Waycation

Way.ca.tion: A rest for the mind; an unconventional method of escaping the moment and returning refreshed and better than before.

Monday, October 6, 2014

The Advantages of An Assessment Tool



   The assessment tool I use is like a GPS System except for behavior.  A Behavior GPS System if you will!  Essentially, an EQ assessment identifies a persons level of functioning in their environment and the world at large.  The assessment profile of a client is an accurate view of their ‘people skills including’  their strengths and challenges in interpersonal and intra personal relationships.  Using an assessment is a great tool and a solid predictor of success; takes the guess work out of helping a client move forward; and allows me to offer a highly customized process.
I often tell a potential client that a person really adept at behavior management and impulse control will eventually come to know what I know however it may take them as much as 6 or 7 weeks to come to know what I know on day 1 of working with a new client.

 Having the assessment allows me to understand what is going on with a person specifically. This accurate assessment assist me to identify and create a course of action specifically on the issues which thereby allows me to help manage and improve behavior quickly and thoroughly.

The Anger management Institute is an evidence based process with a pre-and post assessment.  The process is relatively quick and thorough with excellent results.

Anger management Institute, LLC specializing in "people skills" and impulse control.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

People Skills Are Paramount For Leaders

Managing conflict is a key part of managing a department. As a person moves up in a company I believe "people skills" are paramount.

Recently, I had an incident at LAX where I was treated rudely by a ground agent.  As I sat and waited for my turn I was able to see that the few travelers before me had caused the ground agent a good deal of stress.   Stress can be a pre-cursor to anger and by time it was my turn to be served the ground agent was short and terse with me to say the least.

The ground agent said enough inappropriate things to me where I could have easily been baited into an argument however I never took the bait.  I ask for a Supervisor.

The Supervisor came over to mediate the situation between the ground agent and myself.  The Supervisor listened attentively, gave each of us the space to speak then said to the ground agent to put me through immediately and then wished me a safe journey.  Problem solved.

A key part of managing conflict and difficult situations requires skill in problem-solving, stress tolerance, active listening, empathy and emotional expression.  This supervisor exhibited all of these skills and the ground agent exhibited none. 

We live in a different world where inappropriate behavior happens any place and anytime the trend is worsening everyday.  For businesses especially businesses whose front-line is to serve the public there is a need to train staff and hire with an eye for "high people skills". 

Yacine Bell, Anger Management Institute, LLC specialist in impulse control and "people skills".

Monday, September 29, 2014

Emotional Intelligence In The Workplace


You might be the best in the world at what you do, but if you alienate coworkers and rub your managers the wrong way, no one is going to want to work with you. That’s where your emotional intelligence quotient, or EQ, comes in.

Understanding what makes your colleagues tick, how to build rapport and connect emotionally with them and how to manage your own and other people’s emotional makeup will pay off enormously at work: You’ll find yourself easily able to get along with people at all levels of your organization, equipped to choose the right battles (and the times to fight them!) and be prepared to finesse sticky situations.

Imagine a manager who delivers tough criticism on the day an employee receives scary health news or who presents a sensitive performance message as a “joke” in front of others. By contrast, a high-EQ manager is likely to be thoughtful about the right time to deliver difficult feedback — and to frame it deftly and sensitively when it is time to deliver the information. And it’s not just managers who benefit from EQ; no matter how senior or junior you are, EQ can help you spot the right way to raise difficult issues, approach a prickly colleague and manage tough clients.

Anger Management Institute, LLC specialist in "people skills" and impulse control.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Anger Management Is Not Domestic Violence They Are Different

I am certified to practice both Domestic Violence and Anger Management Intervention.  As National President of the American Association of Anger Management Providers, I have been ask my opinion and thoughts on the latest events of Domestic Violence as it relates to the NFL.  I realized from all these questions that many people are not clear of the difference between Domestic Violence and Anger Management. My mentor has written the best explanation of both Domestic Violence and Anger Management which I would like to share.

In the NFL and indeed throughout the world, there is confusion among professionals, the Judicial System and the general public regarding the difference between anger management and domestic violence intervention for perpetrators. In California, Penal Code 1203.097 defines domestic violence as violence that occurs in an intimate relationship. The relationship can be gay, lesbian or heterosexual. However, it is violence in an intimate relationship. This law further determines that acceptable intervention is not anger management but rather batterer’s intervention with the primary goal of teaching equality in male-female relationships that represents 98% of all cases. Anger is not seen as a necessary factor in battering relationships.
The real issue in domestic violence is power and control on the part of the perpetrator. Anger is not a prerequisite for abuse. The perpetrator will abuse whenever his control is threatened. Rarely is the perpetrator out of control.
There are no legal definitions of anger or anger management anywhere in the United States. In fact, anger is not considered an abnormal or pathological condition. Anger is considered a normal human emotion. It is therefore not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental & Nervous Disorders. Nor is the treatment or intervention for anger management covered or reimbursed by insurance companies.
Anger is considered a problem when it is hurtful to you or someone else, when it lasts too long, is too frequent, is too intense or leads to person or property directed violence. Increasing, since 9/11, the inappropriate public display of anger has become epidemic. The Criminal Justice system is overwhelmed with cases related to simple battery, threats, workplace violence, road rage, computer rage and implied or actual threats.
Anger is a secondary emotion, which often follows fear, depression, stress, fatigue or a perceived threat or personal, attach on one’s personhood. The situation that causes the anger is not the problem; the unhealthy response or violence that may follow is the problem.
Successful anger management programs assess at intake for relative competence in four areas: emotional intelligence, stress management, anger management and communication. The coaching or classes are designed to teach skills in self-awareness, self-control, social awareness and relationship management using a number of approaches including client workbooks, role -play, videos, lectures, experiential exercises and real life practices. All clients are required to complete a Pre and Post Emotional Intelligence Assessment that is designed to provide a baseline of the clients skills as well as to determine the success or lack of success of the coaching or classes.
In contrast, domestic violence batterer’s programs focus on male socialization, female socialization, and substance abuse, child abuse, and sexual abuse, male dominance and the impact of family violence on children.
Unfortunately, most batterer’s programs in the U.S. use the outdated Duluth Domestic Violence Intervention Curriculum. This curriculum is in English only and is based on consistent, direct, frequent, intense confrontation of defenses. These interventions may unwittingly increase rather than decrease resistance and defensiveness and may reinforce the belief that relationships are based on coercive influence. Therefore, such programs have no demonstrated value for any population. Rather, they are an insult to people of color or persons whose primary language is not English. Confrontation or shame is culturally inappropriate for persons of Asian descent.

This was written by the Guru of Anger Management, George Anderson

For more information call: Anger Management Institute, LLC 510.393.0250 specializing in Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence based Anger Management.
 

Monday, September 22, 2014

Saying "No" Creates Room For "Yes"!


I have a client who is a  really talented commediane. This guy is funny, creative and a doer however  my client is angry and doesn't understand why he isn't where he wants to be. He further laments that other less talented people are making greater strides forward than himself.   His lack of strides forward has deeply affected his self-confidence level which in turn makes him angry and stressed. I see part of his issues as a lack of focus on priorities and the inability to say "no"!

 Ryan is so talented and a doer that when he comes up with a new idea he stops what he is doing to go down the new track.  His thinking is to do/take everything and anything and something will work out towards the goal.  However everytime he says, "yes" to a new idea or proposal Ryan loses focus.  All these "yes's" take energy and time away from the ultimate goal.  He's angry because while he's accomplished loads of cool things much of his movement is lateral and not forward towards the goal. Consequently, he feels bad about himself and angry with the world about where he finds himself at this stage of his career.  The issue of a lack of focus and too many "yes's" will always delay the dream and undermine wellbeing.

Today we worked on learning to say "no" to somethings so that he can focus and create room, time and energy towards what it is that really matters to him.

Here’s a word of wisdom from Steve Jobs for you to ponder:

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

Certainly experiment however choose carefully. See how it links to the ultimate destination.