Way.ca.tion: A rest for the mind; an unconventional method of escaping the moment and returning refreshed and better than before.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Kiss Your Way To Less Stress

As a stress and anger management specialist I am always looking for scientifically validated tools and methods to reduce stress and/or manage anger. Substancial data shows that kissing is an effective stress reducer/reliever.
In the moments of a great kiss, the chaos of the outside world is quiet, there’s silence in the mind, and the body relaxes and releases stress away. A kiss lowers stress by decreasing the body’s cortisol levels also kn...own as the stress hormone. At the same time kissing stimulates the brain and creates a sense of peace and calmness by altering the body’s oxytocin levels.
 Find your chill. Kiss.......

Anger Management Institute, LLC, an emotional intelligence based practice specializing in anger in the workplace

Sunday, November 29, 2015

5 Comebacks For Dealing With Rude People

I read this article written by Higher Prospective and thought it might be useful during this Season of Giving. Stress is high, money is short and time is premium. That is  a combination for temperamental behavior and stress.I expect there will be plenty of bad behavior out here in the world through to the New Year.  Use one of these tools should you have an encounter with rudeness. Good luck and no Decking in the Halls!

Rude people suck, but there's no way to get around it: you're going to run into one now and then. These are 5 great ways to deal with rude people.

1. Tell them you appreciate their perspective.

When someone is being rude to you, they don't expect graciousness, or any kind of positive emotions to come at them. If anything, it'll disarm them and make them realize you appreciate different viewpoints, including theirs.

2. Thank them.

Put on a smile and say "thank you." It's a subtle way to acknowledge their rudeness and opt out of engaging them on it. It shows you're in control of your emotions.

3. Tell them they're right.

Just because someone is rude doesn't make what they have to say incorrect. If someone rudely points something out, tell them they're right. It almost always gives them pause. They expect you to argue, not concede.

4. End the conversation.

There's nothing wrong with saying a conversation with a rude person is over. You're in charge of who you talk to about what. If you're being disrespected, walk away.

5. Laugh.

 Because what's funnier than laughing in the face of a rude person?

Tools for navigating the environment at large.

Anger Management Institute, LLC specializing in impulse control, anger and stress management an emotional intelligence based practice.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

A Little About The Anger Management Process

The thought of coming to anger management is a lot scarier than being in the actual process.  Most people really don’t know what to expect which is one of the reasons why I spend so much time in the initial telephone consultation.  A lot has to happen during this first conversation. First and foremost, I have to get the client to relax and allay any fears around the process. Usually a person has lived with their “out of control" anger issue for years. There is often embarrassment, shame and even feelings of inadequacy for not being able to manage their anger themselves.
 The initial conversation is a time of discovery for both the client and myself.  I ask the client a lot of open ended questions.  Good questions reveal a lot for both client and counselor. The first call is more of a conversation, where most importantly, I am looking for a connection between the prospective client and me.  A mutual connection suggests the process will move forward fluidly.  However, having no strong initial connection during the first conversation does not necessarily translate into a problem. Yet a common meeting ground needs to be attained between the client and me before beginning the anger management process.

The fact is that anger is one of eight normal human emotions. We are all wired for it. It is perfectly fine and healthy to get angry. Anger enables us to protect and defend what belongs to us. Anger becomes a  problem when it becomes inappropriate. Of all the normal human emotions anger is the most overused and misused.   My job is to teach new ways of behaving when angry that is compatible with the client’s innate sensibilities. 
Anger Management Institute, LLC,  Emotional Intelligence based Anger management 510.393.0250


Thursday, September 3, 2015

Incivility In The Workplace

Feeling the pressure in the workplace? You've got plenty of company. Many employees today feel maxed out, on edge and ticked off, and it's eroding workplace civility.
Consider these telling statistics from a handful of recent studies and surveys:

Now more than ever, it's critical to find ways to effectively deal with stress and conflict at work.
If this is of concern in your workplace please call the Anger Management Institute, LLC, @ 510.393.0250
Specializing in workplace conflict and employee impulse control

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Bathroom Dissention

Recently I listened to a wife fume about how she hates the toilet seat up. Years of repeated request, orders, demands-and even once slamming the seat down and breaking it.
It’s not like its weekly although I would say one common argument that occurs in my office between couples is the toilet seat argument.
The toilet seat argument was not a source of dissention from the late 1500’s to the mid 1800’s because bathrooms were a separate space with a hole that relied on gravity. I have no proof however I suspect the arguments between couples started around 1860’s. If any one person is to blame for this endless argument I would point a finger at a guy name Thomas Crapper (yes I said Crapper).
Crapper did not invent the flush toilet (that honor goes to Sir John Harrington). Crapper did, however, do much to increase the popularity of the toilet and bathroom, and developed some important related inventions. Not only did Thomas Crapper’s modernization of the toilet most likely birth the issue of the ‘up or down’ argument the abbreviation of his last name has become synonymous with arguments. This is a load of ‘crap’ you’re talking ‘crap' and 'I hate this crap' are all slang references from Mr. Crapper’s name.
As I see it here are the best solutions/options available for couples engaged in Crapper argument:
·         The Serenity Prayer 
Give us the serenity to accept what cannot be change
The courage to change what can be changed.
and the wisdom to know the one from the other.
·         Acceptance: Ladies the toilet seat up is a guy thing beyond your full comprehension because you’re a woman. If you only think like a woman then it looks like defiance. But it has nothing to do with you nor is it defiance.
·         Be Assertive: Use your words but not too many. If you use too many you won’t be heard. Assertiveness is clear, honest forthright communication. We women have a propensity to have a pre-story- then buried in between is the ask, followed by a few thousand extra words about what we think.
             The best way to be assertive is to use the “I” statement formula:

Say: “I feel angry” (use a feeling word)
What: (Say what is bothering you) “When you leave the toilet seat up”.
How:(Say how it is it affecting you): “Because I’ve actually fallen in at night”.
Say what you need: “I need you to put the toilet seat down at night” or “I need you to redecorate the guest bathroom into your own personal bathroom.”

By the way, if your husband does make another bathroom his you must leave the subject alone completely.

·         Compromise: In all relationships compromise is an absolute necessity. In a nutshell it is settling differences by mutual agreement. If you combine being assertive with some possible solutions, you have a chance of reaching an agreement and eliminating that fruitless argument.
For an example the wife says, “I need you to keep the toilet seat down all the time”. Husband says, “I probably can’t do that”. Wife says, “that is unacceptable you must!” Husband says,” how about I work on keeping the seat down at night”. Wife replies, “this will work”.
             It may take a while to reach a compromise however a compromise is a win-win.

 For the record: a woman needs the toilet seat down 100% of the time. A man only 50% of the time. A husband could argue his point, and yet in 12 years of practice I never heard a man complain that the seat was down.
By the way, men never come to my office and have the toilet seat on their list of complaints. NEVER!

Anger Management Institute, LLC Specializing in impulse control and emotional intelligence.