Way.ca.tion: A rest for the mind; an unconventional method of escaping the moment and returning refreshed and better than before.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Using My Own Skill Base

 I’m on an extra tight schedule like everyone else at this time of year.  I have a couple of parties to give in the next few days and I have to fit in a lot of extra task above and beyond my already full life.  The carpet cleaners were late and it was clear by his voice over the phone he would rather be having lunch than picking up carpets.  It was pretty easy to detect that I too was a little irritated.

With my hand on the door knob turning to admit the carpet cleansers and a vision of ghost of arguments past, I knew where this could go if I were to sprew my frustrations.  I consciously choose another way of being. I decided to change my energy.  The fact of the matter is I know that everything that has to get done will get done and all will be well.  Even with a glich I can manage that too.  Because I always have.

Stress is not always a reaction to a specific situation.  Most often it is our thoughts that lead to intense feelings of stress.  For awhile I was caught up in my thinking about all the things I had to do and the lateness of the carpet cleaners.  As I waited for the carpet cleaners I found myself in a place of unproductive tension. 

 Unproductive tension is always a villain. Unproductive tension is when the mind starts on a path where one thought leads to another, and another and another and agitation begins to build.  It is like a space between an event or situation where you can make a mountain out of a mole hill. The solution was to notice what was happening and stop the momentum of the thoughts that I was creating all in my head.
I had to create other thoughts and assurances that would serve me. I conciously had to turn the unproductive tention into usable energy.  I had to remind myself that I have a choice of how I can feel. Instead of telling myself how terrible all of this was going and getting frustrated I reminded myself that 'everything is going to be fine in the end"! 
 And it was.
 Watch your thoughts. Catch yourself when you are being negative. If you're already under time contraints and the time is counting down you'll do far better to the finish managing your thoughts and attitutde. 
Anger Management Institute, LLC Specializing in impulse control and people skills. 


Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Taking A Look At The Workplace Bully Part I

27% of Americans have suffered abusive conduct at work. Another 21% have witnessed abuse in the workplace and 72% are aware that workplace bullying happens.

 Now lets' take a look at the definition of a workplace bully as described by the Workplace Bully Institute:

Workplace Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators. It is abusive conduct that is:

To break it down the workplace bully has control issues (probably on the job and off).  The perpetrator targets an individual (s) using a strategy of timing, location and method to threaten, The purpose is to degrade, insult, embarass, intimidate and undermine.  The bully can use direct actions or actions of ommisions that include witholding information or resources.  In addition to attacking the person the actions of the workplace bully also undermines legitimate business interest for personal interest/issues.

Any of the above description remind you of something else? If you thought Domestic Violence you are right! Surprising as it may sound the workplace bully's profile is very close to the batterer's profile and at the core of both types is less about anger and more about power and control over a targeted individual.
Being bullied as an adult in the workplace can have a huge impact on the psychological and physical health of the victim as well as employee peers. 

I work with workplace bully's and in Thursday installment you'll meet Susan an employer ordered bully. I had to come up with a combination of modalities to work with Susan because a straightforward anger management program wasn't going to be quit right to address her issues.  I borrowed from some of my Domestic Violence tools combined with anger management and EQ.  The results were amazing.

Anger Management Institute, LLC An emotional intelligence based practice

Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Few Thoughts!

A Few Thoughts

A qualified anger and stress management specialist is always the best choice to see you through your challenges with anger.   Therapists are usually not efficient at anger management unless specifically trained.  Most are not. That may be why you find yourself still angry after working with a traditional therapist who has not gone down the specific track of learning the modality and garnering the tools to specialize.

The good news is that anger is a normal human emotion everyone gets angry from time to time. Anger becomes an issue when it becomes ianppropiate. So what does inappropiate look like? Well, if your anger is detroying your work or personal reliationships; leads to aggression; is too intense, frequent or lasts to long then I would say there is an anger management challenge. If you have any of these issues it is not considered an illness or a mental disorder.

If you have impulse/anger control issues the good news is that you're not "crazy." or "broken" regardless to what anyone says about your actions.   Anger management is not therapy however it is very theraputic.  Anger Management is actually listed as "education" and your actions are considered bad behavior and not an illness. 

Anger Management Institute, LLC an Emotional Intelligence based practice specializing in Impulse Control and personal enhancement. 510.393.0250 

Monday, October 6, 2014

The Advantages of An Assessment Tool

   The assessment tool I use is like a GPS System except for behavior.  A Behavior GPS System if you will!  Essentially, an EQ assessment identifies a persons level of functioning in their environment and the world at large.  The assessment profile of a client is an accurate view of their ‘people skills including’  their strengths and challenges in interpersonal and intra personal relationships.  Using an assessment is a great tool and a solid predictor of success; takes the guess work out of helping a client move forward; and allows me to offer a highly customized process.
I often tell a potential client that a person really adept at behavior management and impulse control will eventually come to know what I know however it may take them as much as 6 or 7 weeks to come to know what I know on day 1 of working with a new client.

 Having the assessment allows me to understand what is going on with a person specifically. This accurate assessment assist me to identify and create a course of action specifically on the issues which thereby allows me to help manage and improve behavior quickly and thoroughly.

The Anger management Institute is an evidence based process with a pre-and post assessment.  The process is relatively quick and thorough with excellent results.

Anger management Institute, LLC specializing in "people skills" and impulse control.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

People Skills Are Paramount For Leaders

Managing conflict is a key part of managing a department. As a person moves up in a company I believe "people skills" are paramount.

Recently, I had an incident at LAX where I was treated rudely by a ground agent.  As I sat and waited for my turn I was able to see that the few travelers before me had caused the ground agent a good deal of stress.   Stress can be a pre-cursor to anger and by time it was my turn to be served the ground agent was short and terse with me to say the least.

The ground agent said enough inappropriate things to me where I could have easily been baited into an argument however I never took the bait.  I ask for a Supervisor.

The Supervisor came over to mediate the situation between the ground agent and myself.  The Supervisor listened attentively, gave each of us the space to speak then said to the ground agent to put me through immediately and then wished me a safe journey.  Problem solved.

A key part of managing conflict and difficult situations requires skill in problem-solving, stress tolerance, active listening, empathy and emotional expression.  This supervisor exhibited all of these skills and the ground agent exhibited none. 

We live in a different world where inappropriate behavior happens any place and anytime the trend is worsening everyday.  For businesses especially businesses whose front-line is to serve the public there is a need to train staff and hire with an eye for "high people skills". 

Yacine Bell, Anger Management Institute, LLC specialist in impulse control and "people skills".